The Really Big List of Corny Jokes

100 Hundred corny jokes at a time. Please don't forget to share your corny jokes!

A giraffe walks into a bar and goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender asks his customers, "what's that lyin' there?" The customers reply "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

Corniness: 

Q: How is an ocean harbor like a children's playground?
A: It has buoys and gulls.

Corniness: 

Q: What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
A: One is USA and the other is USB.

Corniness: 

Mr.Banana said to Mr.Apple "Hello, Mr.Apple".
The apple replied - "Holy...a talking banana".

Corniness: 

Q: Why was the teddy bear never hungry?
A: Because he was always stuffed!

Corniness: 

Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.

Corniness: 

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "excuse me sir, but there is a steering wheel on your belt." The pirate responds, "argh they're drivin' me nuts."

Corniness: 

Q: What did the cake say to the fork?
A: Want a piece of me

Corniness: 

Q: What did the scarf say to the hat?
A: "You go ahead, I'll just hang around".

Corniness: 

Q: Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
A: Because he is always lion.

Corniness: 

Q: What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A: The trombone.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the world say to the sun?
A: See ya 'round!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call bees that produce milk?
A: Boo-Bees!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.

Corniness: 

Q: What kind of music does the president listen to?
A: Country music.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the swordfish say to the marlin on prom night?
A: Looking sharp!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A cat-tastrophe

Corniness: 

Q: How do you find will Smith in the snow?
A: Look for Fresh Prince.

Corniness: 

Four friends are touring Europe. One is English, one is French, another is Spanish, and the last is from Germany. The four friends are in Paris, and see a large crowd gathering around a street performer. They all crane their necks to see the street performer, but can't seem to get a view. The performer notices the men, and stands on a box. He yells out "Can you gents in the back see me alright?" The friends respond: Yes, Oui, Si, Ja.

Corniness: 

Q: Why shouldn't you play poker in the savanna?
A: Because there are too many cheetahs there.

Corniness: 

So a grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says hey did you know we have a drink named after you? The grasshopper said "You have a drink named George!"

Corniness: 

Q:What did the axe murderer say to the judge?
A: It was an axeident!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did Santa go to college for music?
A: So he could improve his wrapping skills!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call it when you shoot a gun in space?
A: A Big Bang!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call snails in a shotgun shell?
A: Slugs

Corniness: 

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels.

Corniness: 

Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A "Bull-Dozer"!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a turtle that pokes people?
A: A Slowpoke.

Corniness: 

Q: What do sprinters eat before a race?
A: Nothing, they fast.

Corniness: 

So I'm in the debate team. I don't want to be in the debate team, but damn they're good.

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call it when batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a Tyrannosaurus Rex after it gets beat up?
A: Dino-sore!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the chalkboard want to be a whiteboard?
A: It heard they were remarkable!

Corniness: 

Have you heard of the cop who was really into buying and selling houses?
He is pro-lease.

Corniness: 

Q: How much does a Mustang cost?
A: More than you can a Ford!

Corniness: 

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Corniness: 

Do you watch star wars?
Because Yoda one for me.

Corniness: 

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their "horns" don't work!

Corniness: 

Q: Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
A: Because he was always lost at C.

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a baby queen from England?
A: Lady Gaga!

Corniness: 

Q: Why was the parrot sent out of the classroom?
A: Because he was using fowl language!

Corniness: 

The time traveler was still hungry after he took his last bite. So he went back four seconds.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You're to young to smoke.

Corniness: 

Q: How many lips does a flower have?
A: Tulips

Corniness: 

Q: What does a peanut do when it is bored?
A: Nuttin!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call an old snowman?
A: Water

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a wall that is full?
A: A waffle!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the worm go to the alphabet store?
A: He needed a pair of i's.

Corniness: 

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

Corniness: 

Q: How did the mentalist control his incontinence?
A: Mind over bladder

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a mound of cats:
A: A meowtain.
You have got to be kitten me right meow!

Corniness: 

Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?
She is having her baby in the spring.

Corniness: 

Q: What did one plate say to the other plate
A: Dinners on me.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: Your pointless.

Corniness: 

Person A: I heard that Beethoven died due to lead poisoning.
Person B: Wow, I never knew that he did heavy metal.

Corniness: 

How do billboards talk? Sign language.

Corniness: 

There once was a girl named Sally who was born with no arms.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Not Sally!

Corniness: 

Q: Did you hear about the Irish Population?
A: It's Dublin!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a prankster on Halloween?
A: Prankenstein

Corniness: 

Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost all of its contacts.

Corniness: 

We don't have any vegetable jokes, if you get one lettuce know.

Corniness: 

Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Cause then it would be a foot!

Corniness: 

What do you call a boat with a hole? A sink.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the rapper say about the horrible weather?
A: It is just a Lil Wayne.

Corniness: 

Q: What is a pirate's favorite place to eat?
A: Arrrrrrby's

Corniness: 

What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wasabi!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.

Corniness: 

How did the barber win the race? He knew a short cut.

Corniness: 

Q: What is E.T. short for?
A: Because he's got little legs!

Corniness: 

Q: What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
A: Cashew!

Corniness: 

What did the pirate say on his 89th birthday? Aye matey.

Corniness: 

Q. Why Can't you take a shower with Pokemon?
A. It might Pikachu.

Corniness: 

What did the chip say to the cheese that was caught stealing? "Hey, that's nachos!"

Corniness: 

Q: What did the boxer say the answer to 6+6 was?
A: A One-Two combination!

Corniness: 

Q: What side of a duck has the most feathers?
A: The outside!

Corniness: 

I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.

Corniness: 

Q: What do dogs and trees have in common?
A: Bark

Corniness: 

Q: Why did Genghis Khan cross the road?
A: Because he Khan!

Corniness: 

Why did the pig get hired at the restaurant? He was really good at bacon.

Corniness: 

Knock knock

Who's there?

Woo

Woo who?

Why are you so excited it's only a joke?

Corniness: 

Two music notes were fighting. One through a punch and the other one said "hey, I don't want to start any real treble!"

Corniness: 

What do you call it when a crazy cow gets loose? Udder destruction.

Corniness: 

Q: How does a Rancher keep track of his cattle?
A: With a "COW"culater.

Corniness: 

A duck walks into a bar and says, put it on my bill.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the ice cream say to the birthday girl?
A: Go head girl it's sherbert day.

Corniness: 

Q: What does a dog and a phone have in common?
A: They both have collar ID.

Corniness: 

Why does a rapper need an umbrella? In case it drizzles.

Corniness: 

Q: What's a didgeridoo?
A: Whatever it wants to.

Corniness: 

Q: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road.
A: Because it got stuck in a crack.

Corniness: 

What do you call an anxious dinosaur? A nervous Rex.

Corniness: 

Q: What should have the bartender said when the rabbit ask him for a carrot?
A: Are you over eighteen?

Corniness: 

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?" The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that." The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis". The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
A: The guardians of the Galaxy!

Corniness: 

Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

Corniness: 

Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old
A: The Old Volks home!

Corniness: 

What would a bear be without bees? Ears.

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin mobile!

Corniness: 

Two cows are standing in a field. on cow says "Mooooo". The other cow says pretty much the same thing.

Corniness: 

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