A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "excuse me sir, but there is a steering wheel on your belt." The pirate responds, "argh they're drivin' me nuts."
The Really Big List of Corny Jokes
100 Hundred corny jokes at a time. Please don't forget to share your corny jokes!
Q: What did the scarf say to the hat?
A: "You go ahead, I'll just hang around".
Q: Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
A: Because he is always lion.
Q: What did the world say to the sun?
A: See ya 'round!
Q: What do you call bees that produce milk?
Q: What kind of music does the president listen to?
A: Country music.
Q: What did the swordfish say to the marlin on prom night?
A: Looking sharp!
Q: How do you find will Smith in the snow?
A: Look for Fresh Prince.
Four friends are touring Europe. One is English, one is French, another is Spanish, and the last is from Germany. The four friends are in Paris, and see a large crowd gathering around a street performer. They all crane their necks to see the street performer, but can't seem to get a view. The performer notices the men, and stands on a box. He yells out "Can you gents in the back see me alright?" The friends respond: Yes, Oui, Si, Ja.
So a grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says hey did you know we have a drink named after you? The grasshopper said "You have a drink named George!"
Q:What did the axe murderer say to the judge?
A: It was an axeident!
Q: What do you call it when you shoot a gun in space?
A: A Big Bang!
Q: What do you call snails in a shotgun shell?
Q. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A. A "Bull-Dozer"!
Q: What do you call a turtle that pokes people?
A: A Slowpoke.
So I'm in the debate team. I don't want to be in the debate team, but damn they're good.
Q: What do you call it when batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale!
Q: What do you call a Tyrannosaurus Rex after it gets beat up?
Have you heard of the cop who was really into buying and selling houses?
He is pro-lease.
Q: How much does a Mustang cost?
A: More than you can a Ford!
Do you watch star wars?
Because Yoda one for me.
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their "horns" don't work!
Q: What do you call a baby queen from England?
A: Lady Gaga!
The time traveler was still hungry after he took his last bite. So he went back four seconds.
Q: What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You're to young to smoke.
Q: What does a peanut do when it is bored?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What do you call a wall that is full?
A: A waffle!
Q: Why did the worm go to the alphabet store?
A: He needed a pair of i's.
Q: How did the mentalist control his incontinence?
A: Mind over bladder
Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?
She is having her baby in the spring.
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate
A: Dinners on me.
Person A: I heard that Beethoven died due to lead poisoning.
Person B: Wow, I never knew that he did heavy metal.
There once was a girl named Sally who was born with no arms.
Q: Did you hear about the Irish Population?
A: It's Dublin!
Q: What do you call a prankster on Halloween?
We don't have any vegetable jokes, if you get one lettuce know.
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Cause then it would be a foot!
Q: What did the rapper say about the horrible weather?
A: It is just a Lil Wayne.
Q: What is a pirate's favorite place to eat?
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.
Q: What is E.T. short for?
A: Because he's got little legs!
Q: What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
Q. Why Can't you take a shower with Pokemon?
A. It might Pikachu.
Q: What did the boxer say the answer to 6+6 was?
A: A One-Two combination!
Q: What side of a duck has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
Q: What do dogs and trees have in common?
Q: Why did Genghis Khan cross the road?
A: Because he Khan!
Why are you so excited it's only a joke?
Two music notes were fighting. One through a punch and the other one said "hey, I don't want to start any real treble!"
Q: How does a Rancher keep track of his cattle?
A: With a "COW"culater.
Q: What did the ice cream say to the birthday girl?
A: Go head girl it's sherbert day.
Q: What does a dog and a phone have in common?
A: They both have collar ID.
Q: What's a didgeridoo?
A: Whatever it wants to.
Q: Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road.
A: Because it got stuck in a crack.
Q: What should have the bartender said when the rabbit ask him for a carrot?
A: Are you over eighteen?
A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?" The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that." The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis". The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."
Q: What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
A: The guardians of the Galaxy!
Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe dammit, BREATHE!
Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old
A: The Old Volks home!
Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin mobile!
Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.
Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music.
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod!
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and Apathy?
A: I don't know and I don't care.