The Really Big List of Corny Jokes
100 Hundred corny jokes at a time. Please don't forget to share your corny jokes!
Q: Why are penguins socially awkward?
A: Because they can't break the ice.
So, I thought about going as a ghost for Halloween, but I figured meh, I'll kill myself next year.
Q: What is a bear with no teeth called?
A: Gummy bear.
Q: What did one boob say to the other?
A: We are breast friends!
Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
A: You poker face.
Q: Where do cows hang their paintings?
A: In the MOOseum.
Q: Why is corn such a good listener?
A: Because it's all ears!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig?
A: I wanna get a head!
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes WHACK! ... "Darn".
A bad skydiver goes "Darn" ... WHACK!
Q: How is an ear of corn like an army?
A: It has lots of kernels.
Q: What you call a man with spade on his head?
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Q: I broke my arm in two places, you know what the doctor said?
A: Stay out of those places!
Q: What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him?
A: Get bent!
Q: What do you call a cat with no legs?
Q: How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A: A buccaneer!
Q: Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees?
A: Because they are really good at it.
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Q: What did the Lion King tell Simba when he was walking too slow?
Q: What do you call a bathroom full of octopi?
Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
A: He felt his presents.
Q: Why do birds fly South for the winter?
A: Because it is too far too walk.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth, it's pasteurized before you even see it.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him... A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers but I could not find any.
Q: Why do vampires believe everything you tell them?
A: Because they're suckers.
Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A Dell.
Did you hear about the race between those two lions?
The second lion won by elimination. The first lion was a cheetah.
Q: Which room do the skeletons hate the most?
A: The living room.
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Q: What caused the airline to go bankrupt.
A: Runway inflation!
Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Q: Where do you find a legless turtle?
A: Right where you left him.
Q: What do they drink in Karate class?
A: Whaaa Taaa
Q: What do you call a cow that can't produce any milk?
A: A milk dud.
Q: What did the girl with no neck use for shampoo?
A: Head and shoulders.
Q: Does the Trix bunny eat Trix?
A: Of course he does! Where do you think Cocoa Puffs come from?
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts.
Q: Did you hear about the Hyena who drank a pint of gravy?
A: He was a laughing stock!
Q: What concert costs 45 cents?
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Haunted french pancakes give me the crepes.
Don't cry it's only a joke.
Q: What do you call a chicken coupe with more than two doors?
A: A chicken sedan!
Q: What did the pickle say to impress the ladies?
A: I'm kinda a big Dill.
If a cop pulls over a U-Hual, is he trying to bust a move?
Q: What happens to cows during an earthquake?
A: They make milkshakes.
Q: Who is the king of stationery?
A: The ruler!
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Their horns don't work.
Q: How did the big mountain know the little mountain was fibbing?
A: Because it was only a bluff.
Q: What do you call a cow murder mystery?
A: A moo-done-it!
Q: Where do animals go when they lose their tales?
A: To the retail store.
Q: Where does a three-legged horse live?
A: The unstable.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
A: Ye think it's the R, but it's really the C!
Q: Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!
Q: What kind of socks do pirates favor?
Q: How do you know if it's raining cats and dogs?
A: you step in a poodle!
Q: What did one snowman say to the other?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Q: Why was the football stadium so hot after the game?
A: Because all the fans left.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: The tame way.
See, I knew you'd be glad to see me!
Q: What kind of horses go out after dark?
Q: What is pink and fuzzy?
A: Pink fuzz
Q: What is blue and fuzzy
A: No not blue fuzz, that would be stupid, it's pink fuzz holding its breath.