Q: What happens when a frog parks illegally?
A: It gets toad!
The Really Big List of Corny Jokes
100 Hundred corny jokes at a time. Please don't forget to share your corny jokes!
Q: What happens when a frog parks illegally?
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: It was soda pressing!
Q: If you're American in your living room, then what are you in your bathroom?
Q: Where do kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a meowseum.
5 out of 4 people don't understand jokes about math.
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An investigator.
Did you invent the airplane?
Because you seem Wright for me.
Yahoo, lets Party!
Q: How do pigs get to the hospital?
A: In a hambulance!
Q: What do ducks smoke?
Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them.
Q: What do you call a person that does not fart in public?
A: A private tutor!
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef but no one can pea soup.
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?
A: Let's get together and make some cents.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: you put a boogie in it!
Q: What do Disney characters ride on?
A: A Minnie Van!
Q: What is the definition of a farmer?
A: Someone who is outstanding in his field.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a parrot and a centipede?
A: A walkie-talkie!
Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelaphant.
I am so bright that my mother calls me sun.
Q: Why did the bee get married?
A: Because he was fond of his honey!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy!
Are you google? Becuase you have everything I'm searching for.
No one has really good science jokes anymore because all the good ones argon.
Q: What did the skeleton order at Starbucks?
A: Coffee and a mop.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?
A: He ate his dinner before it was cool.
Q: What did the brother cell say to the sister cell after he bumped his toe?
A: Ow, mitosis!
Q: What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Q: Why did Darth Vader cross the road?
A: To get to the dark side.
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve mushrooms in here.” The mushroom replies, “Why not? I’m a fungi!”
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, whenever I touch here, here and here it really hurts. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
I like wearing my boots when dying Easter eggs, just so I can say, I dyed with my boots on.
Q: Why didn't G-Unit get on the bus?
A: Because they didn't have 50 Cent.
Q: Why were the strawberries upset?
A: They were in a jam.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other,"Does this taste funny to you"?
Q: Why did the pirate go to law school?
A: To pass the baarrr.
Q: What do you call a cow with Tourette Syndrome?
A: Beef jerky.
A three legged dog walks into a old west bar and shouts "I am looking for the man that shot my paw".
Q: Why do scientists like nitrates so much?
A: Because they're cheaper than day rates!
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?
Mick Jagger: "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"
A Scotsman: "Hey! McCloud! Get off of me ewe!"
Q: What's the worse illness in the animal world?
A: A giraffe with a sore throat.
Q: Why do tennis players never get married?
A: Because love means nothing to them.
A seal walked into a club.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and says to the bartender, "I'll have a shot of whiskey and a beer for the road."
Q: Why wasn't the pirate allowed into the cinema?
A: Because it was rated arrr.
Q: What kind of dinosaur tries the hardest?
A: A try-ceratops.
Q: What did earth say to the other planets?
A: You guys have no life.
Wanna hear about my new cat? JUST KITTEN!
Somebody threw a Pepsi at me today. It didn't hurt. Thank God it was a soft drink.
Q: What bee is the smartest?
A: A spelling bee.
Did you hear about the florist who had two kids?
One's a budding genius and the other is a blooming idiot.
Some bacon, eggs, and toast walk into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast".
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
Q: What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Being shot in the head
Two midgets walk into a bar, they promptly get up, dust themselves off, look around to make sure no one saw, and walk their separate ways.
Q: What's the difference between a Camaro and a freezer full of dead babies?
A: I don't have a Camaro in my garage.
Q: What would you call this country if everyone had a pink car?
A: A pink carnation!
Q: What is the last thing Tickle-Me Elmo gets before leaving the factory?
A: Two test tickles.
Q: What do you call an herb that sings?
A: Elvis Parsley.
Duck walks up to the road. Looks both ways and starts to cross. Chicken standing near him says, "Dude, you will never hear the end of this."
Q: How is a piece of gum like a sneeze?
A: Its a chew!
Q: Do you know whats really odd?
A: Just about every other number.
Q: Why was the dog thrown out of the butcher shop?
A: He was caught chop-lifting.
Q: What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it?
A: H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.
Two men walked into a bar.
The third one ducked.
Q: How does the barber get to work early?
A: He know all shortcuts.
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your Toothbrush.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.
Q: Why wouldn't the Energizer Bunny come out of the bathroom?
A: Because he kept going and going and going.
Q: How did the police scare the bugs away?
A: They call the S.W.A.T. team.
Q: Why do fish make bad guitars?
A: Cause you can't tuna fish!
A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
Q: Why did the musician get put in jail?
A: Cause he got in too much trebble!
I'm like a really down to earth guy because you know... gravity.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the water?
Q:What do you call a man with one leg?
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg?
Q: What did the ghost say to the bee?
A: BOO BEE!
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: Where's pop corn?
It's "Jamaican hairstyle day" at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it.
Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, hanging on a wall?
Q: What do you call his arms and legs?
Q: Pieces of Art.
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
What do you get when you mix a rhetorical question and a joke?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you, no charge.
Q: What’s round and bad-tempered?
A: A vicious circle
Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A: Pork Chop
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".
Q: Why are E.T.’s eyes so big?
A: Because he saw his phone bill.