The Really Big List of Corny Jokes

100 Hundred corny jokes at a time. Please don't forget to share your corny jokes!

First rule of Thesaurus Club. You don't talk, converse, discuss, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, gossip or natter about Thesaurus Club.

Corniness: 

What kind of shoes does a thief wear?
Sneakers

Corniness: 

Q: Why was the pencil in the toilet?
A: It was a #2

Corniness: 

"It’s so cold!"
Go stand in the corner it’s 90 degrees.

Corniness: 

Q: Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
A: Because every play has a cast.

Corniness: 

You know my father threw a camera at me once, I still have flashbacks.

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the stoplight turn red?
A: Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the street!

Corniness: 

Q: What does Snoop Dogg wash his clothes with?
A: Blee-ach.

Corniness: 

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right were you left it.

Corniness: 

Q: What did one hat say to the other?
A: You stay here. I'll go on a-head!

Corniness: 

If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up, I could build the coolest tree house ever!

Corniness: 

Q: Where does a bee sit?
A: On its bee-hind.

Corniness: 

The digital clock looked at his analog mom and said: “look mom, no hands!”

Corniness: 

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the guts to!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
A: Cause he was caught with seaweed.

Corniness: 

Q: What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*?
A: Someone laughing their head off.

Corniness: 

Q: How do you stop a fish from smelling?
A: Cut its nose off

Corniness: 

Q: What did the crow use to break into a car?
A: A crowbar.

Corniness: 

I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it.

Corniness: 

Q: What washes up on tiny beaches?
A: Microwaves!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye ?
A: FSH

Corniness: 

Q: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
A: They kept saying “Bach-Bach-Bach!”

Corniness: 

Two fish were in a tank. One said "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Corniness: 

Q: Where does the one legged waitress work?
A: The Ihop.

Corniness: 

Q: Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
A: The baa-baa shop.

Corniness: 

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick

Corniness: 

Q: Why does waldo wear stripes?
A: Because he doesn’t want to be spotted

Corniness: 

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in?
A: Odor in the court.

Corniness: 

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path

Corniness: 

Proton: I think I lost an electron.
Neutron: Are you sure?
Proton: Yep, I’m positive!

Corniness: 

I quit my job at the helium factory today because I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Corniness: 

Q: Why was the employee fired from the orange juice factory?
A: Because he couldn’t concentrate

Corniness: 

Why did the orange go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.

Corniness: 

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: At the North Poll of course.

Corniness: 

Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeño business.

Corniness: 

Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

Corniness: 

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Corniness: 

What did the cellphone give his girlfriend?
A ring.

Corniness: 

Q: What does a mermaid wear to math class?
A: An algae-bra.

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call exploding underwear?
A: Fruit of the BOOM!

Corniness: 

Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
He is all-right now

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
A: Decalfinated.

Corniness: 

Q: How do you find a spider in the Internet?
A: Check out his web site.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam!

Corniness: 

A horse walks into a bar
The bartender says "why the long face?"

Corniness: 

Q: What did the bee say to the flower?
A: Hi, honey!

Corniness: 

Q: How do you organize an outer space party?
A: You planet.

Corniness: 

Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster so you can see how toasted your toast is while it's toasting?

Corniness: 

Did you hear the news about the corduroy pillows?
They made headlines.

Corniness: 

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "make me one with everything."

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a sleep walking nun?
A: A Roman Catholic!

Corniness: 

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!

Corniness: 

Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?

Corniness: 

Q: Why is Peter Pan always in flight?
A: Because he Neverlands

Corniness: 

Q: What did 0 say to 8?
A: “Nice belt!”

Corniness: 

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood...

Corniness: 

Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

A: Because the pee is silent.

Also acceptable: Because they've been extinct for 65 million years.

Corniness: 

Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

Corniness: 

Q: What starts with a ‘P’, ends with an ‘E’ and has thousands of letters?
A: Post Office

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a retired cowboy?
A: Deranged.

Corniness: 

Q: How did the pirate stop smoking?
A: He used the patch.

Corniness: 

What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

Corniness: 

Q: Why are televisions attracted to people?
A: Because people turn them on.

Corniness: 

An old lady at the bank asked me if I could help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the fruit tree say to the farmer.
A: Stop picking on me.

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.

Corniness: 

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was intense.

Corniness: 

Q: Why was the little strawberry crying?
A: Because his parents were in a jam.

Corniness: 

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

Corniness: 

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing.

Corniness: 

Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.

Corniness: 

Q: What is always spelled wrong in the dictionary?
A: Wrong.

Corniness: 

Did you hear about the crab that went to a disco? He pulled a mussel.

Corniness: 

Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Corniness: 

A man took his date to a zoo. They were disappointed to find that it only contained one animal: a dog.
It was a shitzu.

Corniness: 

Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the mayonaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door.
A: Close the door I am dressing!

Corniness: 

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.

Corniness: 

Did you about the kidnapping at the preschool?
He woke up.

Corniness: 

Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary.

Corniness: 

A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump and slap a piece of meat, you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss, you must buy drinks for everyone in the bar. The man responds, "Nah, the steaks are too high."

Corniness: 

What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes?
He burped 7-Up.

Corniness: 

Q: What would a fly be called if it didn’t have wings?
A: A walk.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the buffalo say to his son after he dropped him off at school?
A: Bison.

Corniness: 

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.

Corniness: 

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

Corniness: 

Q: What kind of rooms have no walls?
A: Mushrooms

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the little girl cry when she saw the chef working?
A: Because he was beating the eggs and whipping the cream.

Corniness: 

Q: Why don't you play cards in the Savanna?
A: Because there are a lot of Cheetahs!

Corniness: 

Q: What did the pony say when it had a sore throat?
A: I'm sorry I am a little horse.

Corniness: 

Q: What kind of shoes are made from bananas skins?
A: Slippers

Corniness: 

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

Corniness: 

Q: What'd the lamp say to the man?

A: Nothing. A lamp is an inanimate object.

Corniness: 

Q: How does Moses make tea?
A: Hebrews it.

Corniness: 

Q: Why didn't the melons get married?
A: Because they cantalope.

Corniness: 

Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue

Corniness: 

Q: Why couldn’t the two feet get along?
A: Because the both thought they were right.

Corniness: 

Q: Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
A: He was too far out.

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the ghost ride the elevator?
A: To lift his spirits!

Corniness: 

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