The Best Dad Jokes

The Best Dad Jokes
Here is our list of the best dad jokes of all time. Some are so bad that you can't help but laugh and that is what makes them great. Please share your favorite dad jokes in the comments section below.


“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’
Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”


Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind it's tearable.


What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fshhh.


That graveyard is overcrowded.
People are dying to get in there.


Archaeology is really a career in ruins.


Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?
I was heels over head.


Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.


I don’t play soccer because I enjoy it.
I just do it for kicks.


Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself
It was two tired.


I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.


Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.


Ill call you later.
Don't call me later, call me Dad.


Dad, can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.


I gave all my dead batteries away today.
Free of charge.


The rotation of earth really makes my day.


A man tried to sell me a coffin today.
I told him that's the last thing I need.


“I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, ‘You.’”


I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.
Now it’s Hans free.


What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.


Don't kiss your wife with a runny nose.
You might think it's funny, but it's snot.


What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.


Without geometry life is pointless.


“What do you call a man with no nose and no body?
Nobody nose.”


I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.
I should've put it on aloha setting.


“What’s ET short for?
Because he’s got little legs.”


What's brown and sticky?
A stick.


My son asked me to stop singing oasis songs in public.
I said maybe.


5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.


Can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.


There was a new store called Moderation. I hear they have everything there.


I’ve never gone to a gun range before. So I decided to give it a shot!


When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.


Why do bananas need sunscreen?
Because they peel.


The cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.


What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.


RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.


What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
The flag is a big plus.


Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine now, he woke up.


You can't run through a camp site.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.


People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.
We really need to raise the bar.


Want to hear a joke about construction?
Maybe later, I'm still working on it.


Why did the redhead go to the dentist?
Ginger-vitis.


I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
I just can’t put it down.


I thought about going on an all almond diet.
But that was just nuts


Son: Where are my sunglasses?
Dad: I don't know. Where are my dad glasses?


What is your favorite dad joke? Please share it in the comments section.