Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Q: What did the bee say to the flower?
A: Hi, honey!
Q: What do you call something that lives in the water and works fast?
A giraffe walks into a bar and goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender asks his customers, "what's that lyin' there?" The customers reply "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."
Q: What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
A: One is USA and the other is USB.
Mr.Banana said to Mr.Apple "Hello, Mr.Apple".
The apple replied - "Holy...a talking banana".
Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "excuse me sir, but there is a steering wheel on your belt." The pirate responds, "argh they're drivin' me nuts."