Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

Corniness: 

The digital clock looked at his analog mom and said: “look mom, no hands!”

Corniness: 

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the guts to!

Corniness: 

Q: Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
A: Cause he was caught with seaweed.

Corniness: 

Q: What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*?
A: Someone laughing their head off.

Corniness: 

Q: How do you stop a fish from smelling?
A: Cut its nose off

Corniness: 

Q: What did the crow use to break into a car?
A: A crowbar.

Corniness: 

I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it.

Corniness: 

Q: What washes up on tiny beaches?
A: Microwaves!

Corniness: 

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye ?
A: FSH

Corniness: 

Q: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
A: They kept saying “Bach-Bach-Bach!”

Corniness: 

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