Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood...
A man took his date to a zoo. They were disappointed to find that it only contained one animal: a dog.
It was a shitzu.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.
Q: What did the mayonaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door.
A: Close the door I am dressing!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
Did you about the kidnapping at the preschool?
He woke up.
Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary.
A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump and slap a piece of meat, you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss, you must buy drinks for everyone in the bar. The man responds, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes?
He burped 7-Up.
Q: What would a fly be called if it didn’t have wings?
A: A walk.