Q: What did the fruit tree say to the farmer.
A: Stop picking on me.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was intense.
Q: What did the mayonaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door.
A: Close the door I am dressing!
A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump and slap a piece of meat, you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss, you must buy drinks for everyone in the bar. The man responds, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes?
He burped 7-Up.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef!